Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
