Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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