We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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