My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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