I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
