But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
