just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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