I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
