I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
