Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
