dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
