like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
