Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
