Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
