I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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