one two three fourrrrnication!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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