i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When are your genitals available?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
