we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just pee around me
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
