got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
