I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize