I want to have your abortion
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
