does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
