At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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