dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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