hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
