Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Randomize
