im drinking this country out of the recession.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
