a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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