I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
