I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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