Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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