I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
