I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
