thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
