is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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