So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
