Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
