Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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