I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
