life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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