sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
