remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize