I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
