Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
