i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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