dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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