I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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