Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
