just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
