i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
