just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
