Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
wow bdsm is so cute
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
