I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
