I'm lost and stupid without you.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize