She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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