i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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