Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize