This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
