Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
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