I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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