I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
