You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
