I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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