He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
