I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
