When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
