you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
