Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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