I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
