I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
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