Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
