i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
